you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
