yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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