He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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