Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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