I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
