That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
