If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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