Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
