i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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