Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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