i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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