I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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