I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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