Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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