I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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