Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
