is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
