HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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