My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
