I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize