can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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