Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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