just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
