4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
