WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
