Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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