i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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