I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
