Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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