community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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