No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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