It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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