i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
