he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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