I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
