Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
