I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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