im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
