Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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