He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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