apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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