I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
