You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize