is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
