so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
