I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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