You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
