I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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