she woke up with a sticky ear
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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