the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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