He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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