I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
