I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
