Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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