I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
