i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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