i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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