awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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