I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
