I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
