My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
