On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
