His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
