I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
