TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So vagazzling was a success
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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