4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
