where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
