I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
third nipple confirmed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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