she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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