One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
