Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
