Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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