Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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