If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
