if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
