You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
