she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bring me that man meat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
