i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
